Monday, July 28, 2008

irrational purchase

So when one is in graduate school as I am (living partially on loans, partially on parents, partially on waitress tips which no longer exist since I am no longer a waitress) one "should" adhere to the basic tenets of frugal living. At least this is what society tells you. Live in a cheap place, eat only boiled rice, only drink well drinks , and most definitely only shop at Old Navy. As I was strolling around the city today on a wonderful date with me unemployed self I went to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit, buy some groceries, and pick up my crazy pills at Walgreens. I accidentally got stuck in an ever so tiny and ever so wonderful vintage boutique and accidentally walked out with a gorgeous pair of Bruno Magli heels.

The moral of the story: Look at money for what it is - paper with some dead presidents on it. Sometimes beauty trumps monetary rationality, so if you don't act like a poor ass grad student you might just end up with a beautiful pair of shoes. Oopsy.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

List of Important Information

#1 I bet you were all wondering how my ass looks these days, so I wanted to report back that it's almost perfect. Steely Dan and Donovan took the backseat last week though, and I have been listening to Roberta Flack and Willie Nelson Christmas songs instead. My faces also changed from coy to to environmentally friendly.

#2 This is my last week as a genius waitress. For those of you who thought I was going to really stick it to the man and relinquish hopes of financial and intellectual advancement, sorry to disappoint. I am going into the incredibly lucrative field of teaching high school. I'm a sellout I know. You get one free shot to call me a conformist.

#3 I started intentionally eating black watermelon seeds at my best friend Mallory's house last night. But more excitingly, I started eating shrimp tails and shrimp skin. Honestly it's the best part of a shrimp. All crunch, no bullshit.

#4 I burned my draft card.

#5 I bought socks with flamingos on them and then flushed them down the toilet.

Sike!

They were socks with giraffes on them.

Sike!

I actually hid them in my roommates bowl of salad and then watched her eat them. But I found out later that she has Pica, so it ended up not being that sneaky of me because she would have eaten socks anyway.

Sike!

I just bought socks with flamingos on them.

#6 Tonight I thought homeland security was wiretapping my phone call because I heard a suspicious clicking sound. So you wanna know what I did...

...to be continued

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I Licked the Mona Lisa

I licked the Mona Lisa and it felt real good
Those old ass oils and the gilded wood
I like to lick paintings when I’m feeling blue
I know it’s not allowed but I don’t care
I like to get museum guards in a tizzy
I also like fruit drinks that are nice n’ fizzy
The best thing I licked was a Wayne Thiebaud
Gumdrops, cupcakes and even a paved road
When I stand before a painting and there’s no one around
I just put my tongue on it without a sound

Breakdown…

Tell you once, tell you twice, my mutha’s heart is made of ice
Jiggy wiggy twiggy, roshambo, the most expensive art is the best to lick