The Unhurried Cibo Association Proclamaition

“Our century, which began and has developed under the insignia of industrial civilization, first invented the machine and then took it as its life model”


Slow Food Movement Manifesto


“Our era, which commenced and has matured below the emblem of urban society, primero created the engine and then assumed it as its vida representation.”


Unhurried Cibo Association Proclamation


Modern life is mired by rule after rule after regulation after law after code of conduct after dress code after instruction manual after religious decree after rational sentence progression. The time has come to rip the veils off of our souls and bear our most precious fruit. Speaking of fruit, a long while back I was in the Malibu Mountains at Jewish Summer Camp and there was only tuna fish for lunch. I don’t like cooked tuna because the fetid stench is obscenely revolting. So being the clever little avant-garde teenager that I was, I applied raspberry chocolate lip gloss to my lips and then licked it off. I repeated this action until the tub of goo was gone. This leads me to the next day where my friend Mallory was eating an apple. She got down to the core and asked me to hold it for a second while she tied her shoe. As I held this apple core, I looked deep into its loins, and I saw something for the first time. A little cloud of smoke emanated from the fruit and I read spirits in the mist. The spirits whispered to me, “For thousands of years man has eaten apples. For 30 years man has stopped eating the core.” So my obvious course of action was to eat the core. Ever since that day in Malibu I eat the core of apples. The main benefit of this action is that say you are in the car eating an apple. You get down to the core and you don’t know what to do with it. You have slight anxiety about putting it in the ashtray because soon it will be brown and it will start to smell poo-ey then you’ll have to touch it when you pick it up to throw it away. Or say you take the bus and the driver is really bad and as you grip the metal bar you instinctively tense the other hand as well. One hand is crawling with bus bar germs and the other is now sticky and you just have to hold the apple until you get to your stop. You can rid yourself of all of this anxiety if you just eat the fucking apple core. An apple tree is not going to grow in your stomach nor are you going to die of apple seed poison. It really is such a good feeling to just eat it. If you do you will begin to recognize that your idiotic rational mind that is duct taped with cultural norms will begin to be liberated.

Because of my radically iconoclastic nature I figured that if it was okay to eat entire apples, it was probably okay to eat kiwi skin as well. When I started eating kiwi con skin, I found that I got the same feeling as I got when I ate entire apples. You can imagine the things I did after this. I ate orange peels, I ate pear cores and plum pits. I ate chicken toe nails and egg shells and strawberry tops. I was wild with fury, totally unstoppable. The shackles of captivity were free. I ate the outer layer of root vegetables including but not limited to beets, carrots, parsnips, taro corms, cassava, yam tubers, ginger, galangal, water chestnuts, lotus roots, wapatoos, chufas, mashuas, jicama, radishes, daikons, and salsify. I ate banana peels. I ate chorizo casing. At my peak I ate the skin of a Durian. Did I care? No! Why? Because it felt good and you’re not the boss of me nor are you my mom. Now when I walk around the swards of San Francisco I do somersaults of joy.


Let us revive the corpse of freedom and banish the restraints of propriety. You can start small. Next time you eat an apple, don’t stop until it’s gone.